Idaho CareLine: In Idaho, Dial 2-1-1 or 800-926-2588

(Español)

Active Parenting

Question: Adoption language — Friends of ours just adopted a child and sometimes it feels uncomfortable talking with them about their experience. How can we make sure we don't say the wrong thing?

Answer:  It is wonderful that you are sensitive to this issue. Please see an article on our web site entitled Paving the Way for Adoptive Families for some tips from a family who has adopted several children over the years.

 

The article offers a unique perspective to some important aspects of what to say, what not to say, etc.  The article also includes links to other resources and articles on positive adoption language and much more.

---

Question: Biting — My child has started biting other children at the childcare center.  What should I do? 

 

Answer:  See When Children Bite for tips and links to additional information.

---

Question:  I am a single parent and it's hard. How can I manage my family, my house, and my job? 

 

Answer:  Let your children share. Children need to know that they are an important part of the family. Share with them that you work hard, there might not be enough money, or that you might have met someone new.

 

Children can accept honesty, responsibility, and directness. Several resources on single parenting are available through your local library or bookstores: The Single Mother's Book, by Joan Anderson; Full Time Dads magazine; or call the Single Parents Association at 800-704-2102. Check here for articles for single or co-parenting issues.

 

If you need financial assistance to help with the cost of child care, look into the Idaho Child Care Program. This program has a sliding fee scale to help with the cost of child care. To apply for ICCP or if you need assistance in collecting child support for your children, contact your local Health and Welfare Office, or call Idaho CareLine.

---

Question:  I was raised in a house without good role models and I don't think I know how to raise my child?

 

Answer:  Parenting isn't a skill any of us are born with: it is learned and passed down from generation to generation. It's not always enough just to rely on what comes naturally and in today's society we often don't have extended family around to learn from. Parents can take classes that will teach them what to do.

 

Sometimes factors such as job loss, poor health or financial difficulties can create stress which can be overwhelming to parents. Contact the Idaho CareLine for parenting classes and support groups in your area.

---

Question: My baby wakes up crying several times through the night and I am so tired and frustrated. When will she sleep through the night?

 

Answer:  Babies cry for many different reasons. All healthy babies cry. Don't take this personally — babies cry because it's the only way they know how to express themselves. All babies have their own internal clock for sleeping and need to learn routines of awake time and sleep time.

 

Babies need to learn to "put themselves back to sleep." If you have checked your baby and she is dry, warm and safe, you can allow her to be a little fussy and she will fall back to sleep. When you are exhausted, irritable or overwhelmed, you will probably have a harder time meeting the needs of your baby.

 

Take care of yourself. Remember, never hit or shake your baby. Shaking a baby to get it to stop crying only makes the situation worse. You can read more about helping babies sleep from the American Academy of Pediatrician's information on Sleep Problems in Children. See also Crying, Why Do Babies Cry? and When Your Child Cries.

---

Question: My child is having problems sleeping. What should I do?

 

Answer:  Sleep problems are very common during the first years of life. Children differ in the amount of sleep they need, their ability to fall asleep, how easily they are awakened and how easily they resettle. Rarely is a child just a poor sleeper.

 

As a parent, try to encourage your child to develop good sleep habits, such as learning to fall asleep by himself, that will last a lifetime. Keeping to a schedule and having bedtime rituals are effective ways to get your child on track.

 

Certain sleep problems are more common at certain developmental stages and can be a result of new events and changes in the daily routine. Unless sleep problems persist or interfere with the child's daytime activities, parental reassurance and comfort may be all that is needed.

 

Night waking is the most common sleep problem raised with pediatricians. Almost all children experience it at some point. Other problems include, sleep walking, which occurs in 15% of children ages 3 to 7, and night terrors, which affects about 5% of children in that age range.

 

Most children outgrow their sleep difficulties, but there are several actions you can take. Most sleep problems can be solved. Finally, keep in mind that many sleep problems are only problems if you or your child experience them that way. One family's "problem" could be another's routine. For more information, review the articles entitled Sleep and Bedtime Problems.

---

Question: Our adult children recently moved to another state. We miss them and our grandchildren and are especially worried the youngest child will never be close to us. Any advice?

 

Answer:  Yes. See Grandparents Supporting Parents. The article provide numerous tips and additional resources on how to build strong relationships with grandchildren, even if it is long-distance!

---

Question: Tantrums - Help!  When will this phase end?

 

Answer:  Per the American Academy of Pediatrics, "Strong emotions are hard for a young child to hold inside. When children feel frustrated, angry, or disappointed, they often express themselves by crying, screaming, or stomping up and down.

 

As a parent, you may feel angry, helpless, or embarrassed. Temper tantrums are a normal part of your child's development as he learns self-control. In fact, almost all children have tantrums between the ages of 1 and 3. You've heard them called "the terrible twos." The good news is that by age 4, temper tantrums usually stop." For more information, see Help! It's Another Tantrum.

---

Question: When should I start toilet-training my child?

 

Answer:  Although children are psychologically ready to learn by age 2 or earlier, each child shows signs of readiness at different times. Children must develop muscle control, be able to stay dry for extended periods of time and have the desire to learn.

 

By age 3 or so, most children learn to stay dry during the day though regression is common during the first months. It is usually counterproductive to pressure your child to use the toilet before he or she is ready.