Saving Lives: Gene and Sandy celebrate a lifetime of accepting youth into their home
For 12 years, Gene and Sandy tried to have a child. Gene worked as a pastor in Jerome, and she taught special education. They seemed destined to raise children in a loving, stable home, but it didn’t happen. They grew frustrated and burdened with all that love and no child to give it to. They prayed on it.
“Some people know why they're on the planet,” Gene said. “My wife is on the planet to be a mom.”
It’s said that God works in mysterious ways, and tests us to see if we can unlearn our own intentions, rip up our own plans, and discover a life that gives. (Follow this link to watch a video version of Gene and Sandy's story.)
They dared not wait for biology, and society provided. They adopted two babies from families they knew, and then when a mother in their church learned that her children might be removed from her home, Gene and Sandy chose to become foster parents.
“We were licensed one day and had two boys the next day,” Sandy said. “One of them was autistic, and the other boy was angry.”
Part of the reason Sandy said she wanted to wait to have her own children before fostering, is because she couldn’t let them go. To welcome a child and say farewell, it’s difficult. They knew that they’d want to keep every youth who entered their home.
Those first two boys? Gene and Sandy adopted them. They were the first of six boys they’d adopt out of foster care. That angry boy is now 26 years old. He is a successful welder and owns his own home.
“We had very serious talks with him before we would agree to adopt him and his brother,” Sandy said. “And he told us one day, ‘mom and dad, you saved my life. If I had not come to your home, I don't know where I would be today.’”
Two of those youth are diagnosed with low-functioning autism spectrum disorder, and another with Asperger’s Syndrome. As a special ed educator, Sandy was uniquely positioned to help them, but she hopes that other parents who are less experienced will take the time, study the disorders, and open their homes to special needs youth.
At one point they had 10 children in their home, with their adopted children, foster children—and their miracle baby. After years of trying, they conceived, and Sandy gave birth to a little girl.
“I saw [Sandy] light up with these first two babies, and then we had a biological child, and they brought such joy and passion out of her. I wanted to help her in that kind of ministry.”
The little girl fit right in with this big mixed family with meager means living in an old church. If they wanted more, they were quiet about it.
“We had a lot of children in our home with different needs, different abilities, and different personalities,” Sandy said.
Those differences included behavioral health concerns and developmental disabilities. At school, the autistic youth was being put in an extended resource inclusion room and left there. Sandy felt like they could do better.
“I had to advocate for that child,” Sandy said. “Those are things that you have to do as a foster parent when you receive these children. They have a special need, not only just trauma, but some of them do have special needs as far as autism, ADHD, other things that they have to deal with.”
Gene is not a special ed professional. He’s a pastor, custodian, salesman, and a philosopher of sorts. He was short on experience with special needs youth, but he went the distance by caring, mentoring, and fathering a series of boys and girls who didn’t have father figures.
“Adoption and even foster care were an answer to our prayers in a profound way,” Gene said. “When we were fostering, if we could have taken them all in, we would have. There were times, though, that we had to say no just because we didn’t have enough space.”
But if they could, they helped. They helped children flourish, or just rest. They had youth who would run away and others who’d never let them go. They learned “a process of developing yourself” as Gene put it.
They never had to develop alone. The Department of Health and Welfare caseworkers, counselors and staff lent incredible support. They knew how to find resources for the children, helped with evaluations and medical care
“You have a network behind you, a team of people,” Gene said. “Each child had their individual unique needs, and we had a whole network of people we could turn to, and they were very responsive at helping us to be able to navigate some of those challenges.” They are now grandparents, with a house filled by the sounds of children.
Idaho needs foster parents
If you’ve ever considered fostering, know that your willingness to offer a home—even for one child for one season—can change a child’s life forever. For more information, call 2-1-1 or visit the Department of Health and Welfare’s foster care page. You could be the difference that turns a story of struggle into one of hope and belonging.
The Idaho Department of Health and Welfare is dedicated to strengthening the health, safety, and independence of Idahoans. Learn more at healthandwelfare.idaho.gov.
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